What hurts worse… being beating with a whip by a woman…. Or having a woman break you wee little heart?  Pain can bring sexual pleasure. The agony of heart break can too.  I am fascinated by rejecting men.

I am not a man hater. But damnit, something about getting them all wound around my little finger and then denying any further attention turns me on. I love their wounded looks. I love it when they beg with desperation or in little wimpers.

I love to meet a guy and lead him on for a few weeks, or even months. I may even fuck him. I especially like it when he is a guy whose not really into BDSM or being “controlled”. I love it even more when they tell me, “well Pagan I know you have fun with that but it’s not my thing”. Yeah right.

I met a guy name Roger, a professional person. We got involved, he was not into being dominated. Not at first at least, and not in the traditional “whip me, beat me” sort of way. I liked that.

I am a mistress of manipulation; I know how to play anybody’s stupid game. I played Roger’s game in HIS way, for a while.  I fucked him so well, he kept revealing more and more to me. Once I got him where I wanted him… I invited him over and ended the relationship. I gave no real reason, and when he asked… I was vague intentionally. I wanted him to wonder. I knew it would eat away at him.

I love his pathetic voicemail messages. He sounds so sad, and lonely. He just left me yet another one today. He said he misses me so much and he feels “lost” without me. Awwww poor dumb Roger. It’s too late.

Don’t men realize that there are women like me in the world?  I enjoy their pain in any method I can get it.

Isn’t he special?

I know what you are thinking…. no Goddess Pagan… he is not special. Or maybe he is “special” in that “riding the short bus” sort of way. Good point.  This shithead is still one of my many worshiping fuckwads.  He has a long history of dreaming about me, and just as long of history of being an idiot.

Haha. Ok I’ve posted a few other emails in the past from the random jack asses who feel some incredible need to “comment” to me. Some how they feel this urge to email someone they do not know and get cocky and cool. In a logical and intelligent mind, I know these guys have something to prove, and something that I wrote hits a nerve for them. Typically, I ignore them, but sometimes it’s fun to piss them off… which is essentially what they want to do to me of course. I never take this shit personally… I know the reality of dummies on the net and how brave they are behind a computer. I laugh my ass off at it actually. I take it as a form of worship that they have the urge to write me. If they really didn’t care (like I don’t) they’d ignore me. But they don’t, they think they will have some fun trying to piss me off… except it usually backfires or gets no attention.

I got yet another dick weed email yesterday. Believe me… this is so FUN for me. I show these emails to my friends and other dommes so we all have a chuckle.

date Dec 30, 2007 8:08 PM
subject wow

Dear Pagan,
I was reading your blog that I found by accident (didn’t even bother to read your stories) and I was wondering…. Why do you call yourself a goddess and worship yourself so much? I almost feel sorry for you, that you enjoy taking advantage of those poor liveless nerds, but I was laughing so hard I kind of understood it. But for the record, don’t think too much of yourself

Luis J

I was busy of course when I read his lame ass note. But I was pissed off early the next morning so I decided to respond and take it out on an idiot.

On Dec 31, 2007, Goddess Pagan wrote:

You didn’t find it “by accident” you clicked on a link to get to it. And your email is a sad attempt to get my attention. But don’t worry I gave some fags your email address and they’ve been posting it in gay chat rooms all night.

I hope the point comes across. Yeah I post things on the net that make me subject to hearing opinions by my readers. But when you email someone personally because you “accidentally” read their work… it makes you vulnerable to them and what they have to say back to you.

On Dec 31, 2007, Luis wrote:

Who said I wanted your attention, I didn’t ask for your reply, your not even worth my time. And yes It was an accident since I actually have a life

Then he wrote a second response…..

On Dec 31, 2007, Luis Krijnen <ktulu84@gmail.com> wrote:
oh yeah, don’t write back

Here is the moral of the story. You do NOT have a life LOL. Don’t send anyone your opinion if you don’t want them to defend theirs.  i didn’t ask to hear from you in the first place retard. And of course he wanted my attention – otherwise why bother to take the time to open up his email and write something to me. The time he took to do that was time he devoted to me…. duh.

And here is what really happened. Some dumb twenty something non-American moron was looking at porn and clicked on my site to read my blog on purpose. He has always fancied himself strong, and a stud muffin. But for some reason my posts made his little dick rock hard and he wrote me in a horny state being “disobedient” and was hoping I would punish him like a big mean dominatrix, but for free and in email. When I responded a day later his horniness was gone and he had boner regrets. He probably jacked off thinking about me and after being covered in his own peepee juice was embarrassed, or maybe even humiliated.

My job is done.

Happy New year Jerk Offs.

My slave’s name is Brian. I do literally ANYTHING I want to. Sometimes I do it because I get to torment him sexually which turns me on. Sometimes I do it because I am bored. Some days I am sooooo nice to him and he gets suspicious, as he should. Later I flip out on him for absolutely no reason at all, except to laugh. It’s always been this way, it always will be. I have rarely fucked him, but he’s had a few blow jobs. It depends on my mood. I don’t allow him any other women, and I think his hands are both female.  if I ever catch that fucker jerking off without permission…. the little shit will really be sorry.

Thought I’d share a little poem from one of my many admirers.

WANKING DAY

Yesterday was wanking day, Goddess said it was alright,
To pull our sissy willies all day and into night.
She gave us two conditions, to eat up all our goop,
And then to write the details to Goddess and the group.

For some of us that’s easy because we like the taste
And would never let a single spot of gism go to waste.
Goddess cares about us, that’s why she wants to know
How we go about our tasks and what we have to show.

To get myself prepared i dress in my nice white garters
And slip on stocking long and black, that is just for starters.
i then put on a cock ring, it’s a supple golden yellow.
It squeeses tight around the shaft and makes a happy fellow.

It’s tight enough that when it’s on i feel it’s little pinches
It helps to grow my thingy to six or seven inches.
That isn’t much when it’s compared with Pagan’s special boy,
But for me it becomes my extra special toy.

i lay out all my girlie pics, the lady’s all the same
She is a real beauty, Goddess Pagan is her name
i focus on one picture where she’s wearing her black hose.
She’s well aware of my fetish and she likes it i suppose.

i’ve shaved my balls and down the shaft and one inch round the base
That make it look much longer, puts a smile upon my face.
i wipe on some drops of baby oil to make the surface smooth
Then cup my hand in such a way to form a little groove.

i make beleive it’s pussy as it slides along my hand,
i have an instant Goddess, ready on demand.
Then in another picture her nipples shows their tips
and i have false illusions of one between my lips.

By now the sperm is rising, i’m doing a great job
As lovely streams of white cream come squirting from my knob.
i catch it all in my left hand with a little on my thumb
And milk my dick for every drop of delicious cum.

This is the moment Goddess wants to learn about our style
Of eating loads from of our hand to make a sticky smile.
A glass of Goddess’s golden pee would be perfect for some sips
To swish around my mouth and wash the traces from my lips.

But alas that opportunity must wait for another day,
When Goddess Pagan will demand her servant come to play.
Until that time we do the tasks Goddess asks of us,
We wank our little willies while dreaming of her puss.

Yes my pets… even idiots need “wuv” on Valentines Day. Of course they have to pay for my attention, but that’s how the whole holiday works right? It’s a reminder to men to pay some fucking attention to a woman, to buy her gifts, to spoil her rotten basically. And that’s as it should be. Every day should be Valentine’s Day for a submissive wishy washy loser boy! And here is a photo of my dumbest Valentine’s message…. enjoy wankers.

Sometimes my dink slaves put on web cam shows for me and tonight was no different. I just finished a show with my special little fool. Today he got his fake pussy in the mail, tore open the package like it was friggin’ Christmas, and needed to put on a show for me. I had just had my dinner… a huge chicken salad and I was in the mood for some entertainment. This was the closest he was getting to any pussy I can assure you.

I couldn’t find the exact fake vagina he nailed for me. I was laughing too hard so my eyes got all watery. But I found one pretty similiar for you other idiots that feel the need to get some cheap pussy.

Fake Pussy for Fuckers

Some slaves or submissives do not even get the concept… the REAL concept of slavery. Somehow they feel I’m supposed to do everything to please them sexually. Uh…. Wrong. Slavery is about SERVING and maybe I decide the how, or maybe I want YOU to figure it out. See, I personally I like a slave boy bitch to TRY to figure out what will make me happy… then of course fail miserably. Or maybe do something to please me today and have it work very well! But try the same thing again tomorrow and get the opposite reaction. It keeps dummies on their toes you know. I am woman hear me roar, and notice me change my mind. All women are like this really. The smarter the woman the more she WANTS to keep you guessing.

Do you ever wonder what types of guys are my slaves? Who do I talk to to and what do I do to them? Do I really enjoy this or is it just a business?

shithead: my cock is so hard
goddess_pagan: that little stick you mean?
shithead: yes Goddess
goddess_pagan: its not good enough for me
shithead: I am sorry that i am not a real man
goddess_pagan: you are just a little idiot… a shithead

Meet Shithead. One of my slaves now for goodness a few years I’d say. I tormented him this morning with a phone call. After our call I still had the idiot perform for me on his webcam. See? How could I not be enjoying the display of a pathetic slobbering fool?

All men love to be “teased” by a woman in some small way. Some men understand that teasing is what a woman is all about. It’s what we DO… we are given by nature something you want… a warm wet soft tight hole between our legs. Smart women know how to use nature’s gift against a man. I love to send a guy mixed messages… maybe I will or maybe I won’t. What do all sex specialists and psychologists tell us constantly? Oh I know.. they say men and women need to communicate about sex openly and freely to understand one another’s “rules”. Fuck that. I never want a man to know the rules to my body right away. I want him to fail, I want to use my lack of communication as a little head trip to make him figure it out. I like it that men do not understand women. It just gives us MORE power over you, and I use it as one of my advantages. Causing a man sexual confusion and frustration only makes him do things that he would never want his friends to know about. It makes him proclaim LOVE, beg, get all sappy and lovesick. I’m getting a thrill just talking about it. I have left a roomful of men in my past in utter desperation and frustration. The drooling and begging is cute. My goal is to sexually tease one man at a time… the world over.

Today my silly slave said something of genuine interest. He - dare I say — was even witty. I don’t expect much from his worthless little pea brain, but every now and then he can actually surprise me.

Yes, he knows I do calls. Is he jealous? Awww yes it breaks his wee little heart but who cares right? Not I, Not I. So today I spent a great deal of time with callers while the slave was out earning MY living. Upon his return he wanted my company and my abuse … but this was not something he could have since I was busy accepting new tele-subbies.

The puppy dog look in his eye was pathetically annoying and he is always stupidly optimistic that I feel like speaking to him at all. Once I was done he said to me, “Pagan I love you with every fiber of my being.” (This he has been trained to say to me so I will consider giving him attention)

He had an actual thought it seemed…. so I looked him dead in the eye, “But I don’t want to share you with other subs at all. This phone thing you’ve started has to end”.

I would say I was shocked but I wasn’t. He is not the first loser to think I care about his opinion, and he won’t be the last. I just smirked and leered at him allowing my eyes to pierce a hole into his fragile heart. I did not need to respond at all — just a look made him aware of my rage. So slowly he responded, so carefully he chose his words fearing a verbal assault that he is not equipped to fight against … and so he said it, “Pagan you have to understand my feelings and quit being such an ice princess.”

Let’s say it was probably the last thing he will remember saying tonight. I’ll leave you to make your own interpretation…