What hurts worse… being beating with a whip by a woman…. Or having a woman break you wee little heart?  Pain can bring sexual pleasure. The agony of heart break can too.  I am fascinated by rejecting men.

I am not a man hater. But damnit, something about getting them all wound around my little finger and then denying any further attention turns me on. I love their wounded looks. I love it when they beg with desperation or in little wimpers.

I love to meet a guy and lead him on for a few weeks, or even months. I may even fuck him. I especially like it when he is a guy whose not really into BDSM or being “controlled”. I love it even more when they tell me, “well Pagan I know you have fun with that but it’s not my thing”. Yeah right.

I met a guy name Roger, a professional person. We got involved, he was not into being dominated. Not at first at least, and not in the traditional “whip me, beat me” sort of way. I liked that.

I am a mistress of manipulation; I know how to play anybody’s stupid game. I played Roger’s game in HIS way, for a while.  I fucked him so well, he kept revealing more and more to me. Once I got him where I wanted him… I invited him over and ended the relationship. I gave no real reason, and when he asked… I was vague intentionally. I wanted him to wonder. I knew it would eat away at him.

I love his pathetic voicemail messages. He sounds so sad, and lonely. He just left me yet another one today. He said he misses me so much and he feels “lost” without me. Awwww poor dumb Roger. It’s too late.

Don’t men realize that there are women like me in the world?  I enjoy their pain in any method I can get it.

Isn’t he special?

I know what you are thinking…. no Goddess Pagan… he is not special. Or maybe he is “special” in that “riding the short bus” sort of way. Good point.  This shithead is still one of my many worshiping fuckwads.  He has a long history of dreaming about me, and just as long of history of being an idiot.

Haha. Ok I’ve posted a few other emails in the past from the random jack asses who feel some incredible need to “comment” to me. Some how they feel this urge to email someone they do not know and get cocky and cool. In a logical and intelligent mind, I know these guys have something to prove, and something that I wrote hits a nerve for them. Typically, I ignore them, but sometimes it’s fun to piss them off… which is essentially what they want to do to me of course. I never take this shit personally… I know the reality of dummies on the net and how brave they are behind a computer. I laugh my ass off at it actually. I take it as a form of worship that they have the urge to write me. If they really didn’t care (like I don’t) they’d ignore me. But they don’t, they think they will have some fun trying to piss me off… except it usually backfires or gets no attention.

I got yet another dick weed email yesterday. Believe me… this is so FUN for me. I show these emails to my friends and other dommes so we all have a chuckle.

date Dec 30, 2007 8:08 PM
subject wow

Dear Pagan,
I was reading your blog that I found by accident (didn’t even bother to read your stories) and I was wondering…. Why do you call yourself a goddess and worship yourself so much? I almost feel sorry for you, that you enjoy taking advantage of those poor liveless nerds, but I was laughing so hard I kind of understood it. But for the record, don’t think too much of yourself

Luis J

I was busy of course when I read his lame ass note. But I was pissed off early the next morning so I decided to respond and take it out on an idiot.

On Dec 31, 2007, Goddess Pagan wrote:

You didn’t find it “by accident” you clicked on a link to get to it. And your email is a sad attempt to get my attention. But don’t worry I gave some fags your email address and they’ve been posting it in gay chat rooms all night.

I hope the point comes across. Yeah I post things on the net that make me subject to hearing opinions by my readers. But when you email someone personally because you “accidentally” read their work… it makes you vulnerable to them and what they have to say back to you.

On Dec 31, 2007, Luis wrote:

Who said I wanted your attention, I didn’t ask for your reply, your not even worth my time. And yes It was an accident since I actually have a life

Then he wrote a second response…..

On Dec 31, 2007, Luis Krijnen <ktulu84@gmail.com> wrote:
oh yeah, don’t write back

Here is the moral of the story. You do NOT have a life LOL. Don’t send anyone your opinion if you don’t want them to defend theirs.  i didn’t ask to hear from you in the first place retard. And of course he wanted my attention – otherwise why bother to take the time to open up his email and write something to me. The time he took to do that was time he devoted to me…. duh.

And here is what really happened. Some dumb twenty something non-American moron was looking at porn and clicked on my site to read my blog on purpose. He has always fancied himself strong, and a stud muffin. But for some reason my posts made his little dick rock hard and he wrote me in a horny state being “disobedient” and was hoping I would punish him like a big mean dominatrix, but for free and in email. When I responded a day later his horniness was gone and he had boner regrets. He probably jacked off thinking about me and after being covered in his own peepee juice was embarrassed, or maybe even humiliated.

My job is done.

Happy New year Jerk Offs.

My slave’s name is Brian. I do literally ANYTHING I want to. Sometimes I do it because I get to torment him sexually which turns me on. Sometimes I do it because I am bored. Some days I am sooooo nice to him and he gets suspicious, as he should. Later I flip out on him for absolutely no reason at all, except to laugh. It’s always been this way, it always will be. I have rarely fucked him, but he’s had a few blow jobs. It depends on my mood. I don’t allow him any other women, and I think his hands are both female.  if I ever catch that fucker jerking off without permission…. the little shit will really be sorry.

What is it about some idiots and the internet? Moreover, what is it about losers that think a true domme gives a fuck about them? Checkout this email I got tonight.

i am a single hetersexual male, and own my own business, i give orders & people jump or get fired. i have a sex drive of course. but no woman rules me. it`s my way or the highway. and i am e-mailing you throwing down the guantlet of challenge. of course you won`t even try.

A professional that can’t use capital letters. Not only do I NOT believe you dickweed, I laughed my ass off at that one. Hilarious. He threw down the gauntlet to me. For that to work, wouldn’t I have to care? Or at least be in some power struggle WITH you? I was going to write him back and try to piss him off just for kicks. Instead I thought I’d humiliate the loser in my blog hehe.

What is it about having a website and being a strong female that scares so many men into feeling they have to challenge you? Oh such is a day in the life of a Goddess. I can’t pick WHO worships me. I can’t keep the total douche bags away forever.

Thought I’d share a little poem from one of my many admirers.

WANKING DAY

Yesterday was wanking day, Goddess said it was alright,
To pull our sissy willies all day and into night.
She gave us two conditions, to eat up all our goop,
And then to write the details to Goddess and the group.

For some of us that’s easy because we like the taste
And would never let a single spot of gism go to waste.
Goddess cares about us, that’s why she wants to know
How we go about our tasks and what we have to show.

To get myself prepared i dress in my nice white garters
And slip on stocking long and black, that is just for starters.
i then put on a cock ring, it’s a supple golden yellow.
It squeeses tight around the shaft and makes a happy fellow.

It’s tight enough that when it’s on i feel it’s little pinches
It helps to grow my thingy to six or seven inches.
That isn’t much when it’s compared with Pagan’s special boy,
But for me it becomes my extra special toy.

i lay out all my girlie pics, the lady’s all the same
She is a real beauty, Goddess Pagan is her name
i focus on one picture where she’s wearing her black hose.
She’s well aware of my fetish and she likes it i suppose.

i’ve shaved my balls and down the shaft and one inch round the base
That make it look much longer, puts a smile upon my face.
i wipe on some drops of baby oil to make the surface smooth
Then cup my hand in such a way to form a little groove.

i make beleive it’s pussy as it slides along my hand,
i have an instant Goddess, ready on demand.
Then in another picture her nipples shows their tips
and i have false illusions of one between my lips.

By now the sperm is rising, i’m doing a great job
As lovely streams of white cream come squirting from my knob.
i catch it all in my left hand with a little on my thumb
And milk my dick for every drop of delicious cum.

This is the moment Goddess wants to learn about our style
Of eating loads from of our hand to make a sticky smile.
A glass of Goddess’s golden pee would be perfect for some sips
To swish around my mouth and wash the traces from my lips.

But alas that opportunity must wait for another day,
When Goddess Pagan will demand her servant come to play.
Until that time we do the tasks Goddess asks of us,
We wank our little willies while dreaming of her puss.

Yes my pets… even idiots need “wuv” on Valentines Day. Of course they have to pay for my attention, but that’s how the whole holiday works right? It’s a reminder to men to pay some fucking attention to a woman, to buy her gifts, to spoil her rotten basically. And that’s as it should be. Every day should be Valentine’s Day for a submissive wishy washy loser boy! And here is a photo of my dumbest Valentine’s message…. enjoy wankers.

Sometimes my dink slaves put on web cam shows for me and tonight was no different. I just finished a show with my special little fool. Today he got his fake pussy in the mail, tore open the package like it was friggin’ Christmas, and needed to put on a show for me. I had just had my dinner… a huge chicken salad and I was in the mood for some entertainment. This was the closest he was getting to any pussy I can assure you.

I couldn’t find the exact fake vagina he nailed for me. I was laughing too hard so my eyes got all watery. But I found one pretty similiar for you other idiots that feel the need to get some cheap pussy.

Fake Pussy for Fuckers

Some slaves or submissives do not even get the concept… the REAL concept of slavery. Somehow they feel I’m supposed to do everything to please them sexually. Uh…. Wrong. Slavery is about SERVING and maybe I decide the how, or maybe I want YOU to figure it out. See, I personally I like a slave boy bitch to TRY to figure out what will make me happy… then of course fail miserably. Or maybe do something to please me today and have it work very well! But try the same thing again tomorrow and get the opposite reaction. It keeps dummies on their toes you know. I am woman hear me roar, and notice me change my mind. All women are like this really. The smarter the woman the more she WANTS to keep you guessing.

Do you ever wonder what types of guys are my slaves? Who do I talk to to and what do I do to them? Do I really enjoy this or is it just a business?

shithead: my cock is so hard
goddess_pagan: that little stick you mean?
shithead: yes Goddess
goddess_pagan: its not good enough for me
shithead: I am sorry that i am not a real man
goddess_pagan: you are just a little idiot… a shithead

Meet Shithead. One of my slaves now for goodness a few years I’d say. I tormented him this morning with a phone call. After our call I still had the idiot perform for me on his webcam. See? How could I not be enjoying the display of a pathetic slobbering fool?

I’ve been busy and have not written in a while. Tsk tsk, but then what would you do if someone dropped a house on your sister?

Yes…. I am WICKED. I am MEAN sometimes…. and I do run out of patience with some slaves. Of course I also tend to attract some real winners too. I think it could be my Scorpio personality at work.

I’m not really great with verbal humiliation, though occasionally someone pisses me off so well that I can do it. Yet it doesn’t give me the same thrill take teasing and denying some poor sap does.

I particularly enjoy the occasional slave who maybe tells me he doesn’t like a certain domination style. Then when I’m feeling like a wicked witch… I make him do it anyway. How about a little fire scarecrow?

The best slaves of course are obedient and lose all their power due to their own selfish sexual weakness. Aren’t most men basically led by their dick? Not the impotent ones I guess. Even still so much sexual energy is channeled into our THOUGHTS, and even a man without an erection can be tempted. It must suck to be so weak. It must suck to have women in the world that know how to tempt you.

It makes me wonder where the whole submissive personality comes from. Oh, I am well aware on the volumes books that claim to have that answer. I simply wonder if some men, maybe even the smarter ones just decide to go with their natural instincts. Most men involved with any woman become her slave to some degree or another. It’s good to be a wicked woman and to know your own power over men. It’s even better to be a wicked Goddess.

Well I’ve posted some rambling strange thoughts for the day and I promise to try to keep up on my diary better. Got to go feed my flying monkeys now.