What hurts worse… being beating with a whip by a woman…. Or having a woman break you wee little heart?  Pain can bring sexual pleasure. The agony of heart break can too.  I am fascinated by rejecting men.

I am not a man hater. But damnit, something about getting them all wound around my little finger and then denying any further attention turns me on. I love their wounded looks. I love it when they beg with desperation or in little wimpers.

I love to meet a guy and lead him on for a few weeks, or even months. I may even fuck him. I especially like it when he is a guy whose not really into BDSM or being “controlled”. I love it even more when they tell me, “well Pagan I know you have fun with that but it’s not my thing”. Yeah right.

I met a guy name Roger, a professional person. We got involved, he was not into being dominated. Not at first at least, and not in the traditional “whip me, beat me” sort of way. I liked that.

I am a mistress of manipulation; I know how to play anybody’s stupid game. I played Roger’s game in HIS way, for a while.  I fucked him so well, he kept revealing more and more to me. Once I got him where I wanted him… I invited him over and ended the relationship. I gave no real reason, and when he asked… I was vague intentionally. I wanted him to wonder. I knew it would eat away at him.

I love his pathetic voicemail messages. He sounds so sad, and lonely. He just left me yet another one today. He said he misses me so much and he feels “lost” without me. Awwww poor dumb Roger. It’s too late.

Don’t men realize that there are women like me in the world?  I enjoy their pain in any method I can get it.

Hey bitches, sorry it’s been awhile since I posted to my blog. I wanted to share a photo and a story with you. The girl in the photo is named Madison. Cute no? Madison is a girl I met through friends; she had nothing short of admiration for me. But that happens often to a Goddess.

Little Madison interested me, she was obviously a cutie, but I liked her immediately when I was able to get her to do things for me, like get me a beer refill and such at a party. She was petite, kind of like a little kitten. I felt like I should seduce her and make her my special obedient pussy eater. I thought her cute face would look even better if it was in my snatch lapping away at me. I was right.

I got that little slut over to my place one Saturday, when this photo was taken by my slave Brian. Little Madison had told me she was not into women, she was as straight as an arrow. What a fucking joke!

A few hours and drinks later can do a lot for your “sexuality”, like it did for Madison. Sure, she tried at first to fend me off. But one hot kiss by the Goddess is pretty much all it takes. I had my tongue in her mouth a few times, and then hers on my pierced clit. Poor slave just had to watch, that dumb fucker.

Isn’t he special?

I know what you are thinking…. no Goddess Pagan… he is not special. Or maybe he is “special” in that “riding the short bus” sort of way. Good point.  This shithead is still one of my many worshiping fuckwads.  He has a long history of dreaming about me, and just as long of history of being an idiot.

Haha. Ok I’ve posted a few other emails in the past from the random jack asses who feel some incredible need to “comment” to me. Some how they feel this urge to email someone they do not know and get cocky and cool. In a logical and intelligent mind, I know these guys have something to prove, and something that I wrote hits a nerve for them. Typically, I ignore them, but sometimes it’s fun to piss them off… which is essentially what they want to do to me of course. I never take this shit personally… I know the reality of dummies on the net and how brave they are behind a computer. I laugh my ass off at it actually. I take it as a form of worship that they have the urge to write me. If they really didn’t care (like I don’t) they’d ignore me. But they don’t, they think they will have some fun trying to piss me off… except it usually backfires or gets no attention.

I got yet another dick weed email yesterday. Believe me… this is so FUN for me. I show these emails to my friends and other dommes so we all have a chuckle.

date Dec 30, 2007 8:08 PM
subject wow

Dear Pagan,
I was reading your blog that I found by accident (didn’t even bother to read your stories) and I was wondering…. Why do you call yourself a goddess and worship yourself so much? I almost feel sorry for you, that you enjoy taking advantage of those poor liveless nerds, but I was laughing so hard I kind of understood it. But for the record, don’t think too much of yourself

Luis J

I was busy of course when I read his lame ass note. But I was pissed off early the next morning so I decided to respond and take it out on an idiot.

On Dec 31, 2007, Goddess Pagan wrote:

You didn’t find it “by accident” you clicked on a link to get to it. And your email is a sad attempt to get my attention. But don’t worry I gave some fags your email address and they’ve been posting it in gay chat rooms all night.

I hope the point comes across. Yeah I post things on the net that make me subject to hearing opinions by my readers. But when you email someone personally because you “accidentally” read their work… it makes you vulnerable to them and what they have to say back to you.

On Dec 31, 2007, Luis wrote:

Who said I wanted your attention, I didn’t ask for your reply, your not even worth my time. And yes It was an accident since I actually have a life

Then he wrote a second response…..

On Dec 31, 2007, Luis Krijnen <ktulu84@gmail.com> wrote:
oh yeah, don’t write back

Here is the moral of the story. You do NOT have a life LOL. Don’t send anyone your opinion if you don’t want them to defend theirs.  i didn’t ask to hear from you in the first place retard. And of course he wanted my attention – otherwise why bother to take the time to open up his email and write something to me. The time he took to do that was time he devoted to me…. duh.

And here is what really happened. Some dumb twenty something non-American moron was looking at porn and clicked on my site to read my blog on purpose. He has always fancied himself strong, and a stud muffin. But for some reason my posts made his little dick rock hard and he wrote me in a horny state being “disobedient” and was hoping I would punish him like a big mean dominatrix, but for free and in email. When I responded a day later his horniness was gone and he had boner regrets. He probably jacked off thinking about me and after being covered in his own peepee juice was embarrassed, or maybe even humiliated.

My job is done.

Happy New year Jerk Offs.

My slave’s name is Brian. I do literally ANYTHING I want to. Sometimes I do it because I get to torment him sexually which turns me on. Sometimes I do it because I am bored. Some days I am sooooo nice to him and he gets suspicious, as he should. Later I flip out on him for absolutely no reason at all, except to laugh. It’s always been this way, it always will be. I have rarely fucked him, but he’s had a few blow jobs. It depends on my mood. I don’t allow him any other women, and I think his hands are both female.  if I ever catch that fucker jerking off without permission…. the little shit will really be sorry.

Thought I’d share a little poem from one of my many admirers.

WANKING DAY

Yesterday was wanking day, Goddess said it was alright,
To pull our sissy willies all day and into night.
She gave us two conditions, to eat up all our goop,
And then to write the details to Goddess and the group.

For some of us that’s easy because we like the taste
And would never let a single spot of gism go to waste.
Goddess cares about us, that’s why she wants to know
How we go about our tasks and what we have to show.

To get myself prepared i dress in my nice white garters
And slip on stocking long and black, that is just for starters.
i then put on a cock ring, it’s a supple golden yellow.
It squeeses tight around the shaft and makes a happy fellow.

It’s tight enough that when it’s on i feel it’s little pinches
It helps to grow my thingy to six or seven inches.
That isn’t much when it’s compared with Pagan’s special boy,
But for me it becomes my extra special toy.

i lay out all my girlie pics, the lady’s all the same
She is a real beauty, Goddess Pagan is her name
i focus on one picture where she’s wearing her black hose.
She’s well aware of my fetish and she likes it i suppose.

i’ve shaved my balls and down the shaft and one inch round the base
That make it look much longer, puts a smile upon my face.
i wipe on some drops of baby oil to make the surface smooth
Then cup my hand in such a way to form a little groove.

i make beleive it’s pussy as it slides along my hand,
i have an instant Goddess, ready on demand.
Then in another picture her nipples shows their tips
and i have false illusions of one between my lips.

By now the sperm is rising, i’m doing a great job
As lovely streams of white cream come squirting from my knob.
i catch it all in my left hand with a little on my thumb
And milk my dick for every drop of delicious cum.

This is the moment Goddess wants to learn about our style
Of eating loads from of our hand to make a sticky smile.
A glass of Goddess’s golden pee would be perfect for some sips
To swish around my mouth and wash the traces from my lips.

But alas that opportunity must wait for another day,
When Goddess Pagan will demand her servant come to play.
Until that time we do the tasks Goddess asks of us,
We wank our little willies while dreaming of her puss.

Mind Control… just read this a few times… chant it.

Bewitched…
Bedazzled…
Bewildered….

Captured…..
Enraptured….
Violated…..
Annihilated….

Trapped…
Caged…
Prison…..

Forever….

Today my silly slave said something of genuine interest. He - dare I say — was even witty. I don’t expect much from his worthless little pea brain, but every now and then he can actually surprise me.

Yes, he knows I do calls. Is he jealous? Awww yes it breaks his wee little heart but who cares right? Not I, Not I. So today I spent a great deal of time with callers while the slave was out earning MY living. Upon his return he wanted my company and my abuse … but this was not something he could have since I was busy accepting new tele-subbies.

The puppy dog look in his eye was pathetically annoying and he is always stupidly optimistic that I feel like speaking to him at all. Once I was done he said to me, “Pagan I love you with every fiber of my being.” (This he has been trained to say to me so I will consider giving him attention)

He had an actual thought it seemed…. so I looked him dead in the eye, “But I don’t want to share you with other subs at all. This phone thing you’ve started has to end”.

I would say I was shocked but I wasn’t. He is not the first loser to think I care about his opinion, and he won’t be the last. I just smirked and leered at him allowing my eyes to pierce a hole into his fragile heart. I did not need to respond at all — just a look made him aware of my rage. So slowly he responded, so carefully he chose his words fearing a verbal assault that he is not equipped to fight against … and so he said it, “Pagan you have to understand my feelings and quit being such an ice princess.”

Let’s say it was probably the last thing he will remember saying tonight. I’ll leave you to make your own interpretation…

A man’s best emotion is DESPERATION. Every woman on the planet needs to learn to control their “men” by controlling their release. My slave for instance, he isn’t permitted to masturbate. And how do I stop him? He isn’t permitted to shut the bathroom door. The shower has glass doors so I can see in. Sometimes I cage his dick to prevent it as I did when I went away on a recent weekend. I locked him, left him, and took the key with me. Poor dear, he looked forlorn when I came home. I left the cage on him anyway for annoying me with his sad looks. So what was my point? Oh yeah the desperation … it was fun for me. I like it - I smile. It makes him appreciate his release, and it means he treats me as a Goddess should be treated.